Sunday, October 28, 2012

From the musings of Lt Charles Dogford

Day 30

The humans were more present today than most others. They emerged from their den much later than normal, and it took them much longer to change skins and arrange fur, in the female's case. I was assigned guard duty once more (They must approve of my methods, as they have been doing this more and more lately). In between warning away both squirrels and other lowlier mutts, I napped, conserving energy to welcome home the natives with the greatest of zeal.

I believe they are still misinterpreting my body language, as my greeting was greeted in turn with a sort of "ha-ha" noise, repeated constantly. I tried heightening my bounds, but was only answered by more of these odd noises. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever teach these poor monkeys to speak.

The male left again for a while in the afternoon, during which time, the female assigned more guard duty, although this time, I believe it was punishment for the small parcel marked with two figures (appearing thus: M) that in some astounding manner, ended up betwixt my teeth while she used the privacy cave. She did not appear pleased when she returned, and I was sentenced to a year of solitary confinement. One cannot imagine my distress at being so wrongfully accused.

But, oh happy day! When the male returned, I was called off my post to perform another duty...we were transported on the back of the Growling Beast (not to be confused with the Howling Beast) to the Great Grass. This has been my favorite assignment of any. The natives are in posession of a certain object that has a tendency of running from them at high rates of speed, and, occasionally, at great heights. It is my job, then, to retrieve it for them each and every time it escapes. The sense of duty is great indeed. I give it my all, and have thus far only disappointed them on a handful of occasions, usually when I become distracted by other natives or pooches invading the territory. I have taken the liberty of documenting such activities, for use in my future resumes:

video

Upon our return, the female practiced her Beast wrestling technique whilst the male and I watched from a distance. She has now loaded up the long-squishy-sitter with extra skins. They do not smell as though they've been soiled, so I'm not entirely sure as to their purpose, but she's been sitting in the other squishy-sitter for quite some time, just staring at it.

Humans. I'll never understand them.

*********************
From the human---things I've done today:

-Kicked Tanner's tush at Farkle. 9k to 1.5k
-Vacuumed
-Dishes
-Collected laundry to fold. Still haven't done it.
-Drugged myself up enough to stop my back from hurting temporarily
-Lived in a house with two farting males and survived
-Made bean dip (okay, that was yesterday, but still...YUM!)
-Whole bunch of other stuff that I don't remember, but was going to write on here anyway, because I had thought  of a way to make it sound funny, but now that I've forgotten it, it's just turned into three lines of me talking about nothing.

Funny picture of the day:


He says I hog the covers.

Ha.

Well, actually, I normally do, but this was woth mentioning.

1 comment :

  1. Um, did you miss the correlation between bean dip and farting males? Restrictions ought to apply. ,-)

    ReplyDelete