Monday, September 9, 2013

The orange drink of death

Somewhere throughout the course of time, somebody decided they hated all pregnant women, and therefore devised a glucose tolerance test for gestational diabetes. Sniggering maliciously, they declared that before such test, one could not eat for twelve hours, then cackling evilly, they invented the orange drink of death. Honestly, it doesn't taste that bad...if you chug it fast enough, which I definitely did. But hoo boy, does it screw with your head.

Now, let's just start by saying I've always been a very big fan of food. When my midwife asked me (a routine question, don't worry) if I'd ever had an eating disorder, it was all I could do not to laugh at her. I'm not the type to skip a meal on purpose (in fact, sometimes I eat more than three, just in smaller doses), let alone be anorexic or bulimic. It turns out that my cute little spawn likes food just as much or more than I do, and whenever I'm a few minutes late eating, he savagely rips my stomach in half. Or at least that's what it feels like. There's no such thing as being mildly hungry anymore. Or "kinda" having to pee. In both cases, I'm fine until it turns into a dire emergency. So, that explains why the twelve hours of fasting was bad news.

Drinking liquid sugar is not exactly the best thing to pair with that. I went from desperately needing something to eat to wondering why my hands were twitching. The last fifty-nine minutes and thirty seconds were just as bad. I went back and forth between my book, Facebook, and Pinterest so many times that it must have been a blur to on-lookers. Quite honestly, I just couldn't make my brain forcus on any one thing for more than twenty seconds at a time. Tiny little mosquitos whined in my ears, my eyelids twitched, and the room spun, on occasion. At one point, I'm fairly certain I started seeing sounds. All the while, my poor, itty bitty fetus had to deal with the same concoction, although all he did was hiccup for half an hour and bounce off the walls of my innards.

After an hour of this, the nurse came and drew my blood to compare it with what she took when I came in. Honestly, I don't even know why they'd need a machine to see the sugar levels in it. One was clearly the color and consistency of blood, the other had an orange tinge and looked more like syrup than anything. Anyway, here's to hoping I passed this time, because if I didn't, I'll have to endure the same thing again, just with double the juice, triple the time, and four needle sticks instead of two.

As the nurse was taping a cotton swab to my abused veins with masking tape (OW!), she offered me some peanut butter crackers. I declined, saying I had brought some nuts with me that I planned to scarf in a hurry. To this she responded "Well, you should definitely go eat some carbs. They'll soak up some of that sugar and make you feel better." Hmm. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm fairly certain that carbs equal sugar, as far as the body can tell. One of us has clearly got some studying to do. But for now, I'm going to go sleep off this sugar crash.

By the way, Kirstyn informs me that she beat me to posting this morning (apparently she can see the drafts as they automatically save). That means you have two to read today! Today's post is on making pickles...sounds a little healthier than my day so far...

Also, it feels like fall. I don't recall giving summer permission to leave yet. Just sayin'.


  1. Kirk did beat you cause i read hers and yours hadn't shown up yet! And eew to the orange drink. Chalk up another point for being in the work, i shall never have to drink one of those! :)

  2. It DOES feel like fall! So I hauled out the fall decorations and had fun with them. You know, technically fall is 1/4 of the year, which is three months, so if I want winter decor out before Christmas I have to start fall decor three months earlier, which is...September. I guess my garden harvest agrees, although it's hard to wrap my mind around.

  3. CARBS soak up sugar??? Haven't heard that one before.
    So what made them want to do a fasting glucose tolerance test in the first place?

  4. Its just standard. I don't have any signs of it, but its a better-safe-than-sorry sort of deal, especially since we have some diabetes in the family.

  5. I've had that drink before. they actually usually do some kind of pre-test first before the nasty one. (I can't remember what it was though). I had to lay down on one of those stool/couches during that orange drink test because it felt so awful. Hmmm. I wonder if there are moms out there that it does not bother. I've always wondered if I was kind of sensitive to sugar...

  6. You can take the same test with jelly beans. My midwife offered me that when I was begging not to have to drink that stuff as it leaves me sick for days. It's not the sugar in it because I always pass with flying colors. Not sure why it makes me so ill. Jelly beans are way more fun! :)

    1. Ohmigosh....definitely didn't know that was an option! I've got a thing for jelly beans anyway! Definitely going to see about that next time around...