Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Compare & Contrast: Wedding Edition (Part 1/2)

Once upon a time, there were two weddings.  They were very, very similar weddings.  Neither one of them had any guests, except for witnesses.  (One didn't even have those.)  Both of them happened at the local downtown courthouse.  Both of them were delightful in that nobody had to be the center of attention for a very long, expensive, event.  And nobody dressed up.  Oh, and I think both weddings were announced after the fact on Facebook.

So much for the similarities: here's how our weddings were entirely opposite.

Kara: announced and planned 3 months ahead of time
Kirstyn: planned for a week, no announcement.  The less attention, the better.

Kara: reception afterwards in two locations for both sides of the family
Kirstyn: no receptions; there's a spotlight at those too, just like weddings.  Ew.

Kara: went downtown to look into the details of what it would take; found out the answer was "just about nothing", and got married on the spot.
Kirstyn: called ahead for requirements, scheduled out every detail, and planned for all contingencies.

Kara: honeymoon in Coeur d'Alene.
Kirstyn: bah honeymoons, let's spend the money on a kitchen remodel! (So worth it.)

It's definitely abnormal for a couple to do the whole elopement thing these days, when weddings are a multi-billion dollar industry, but it's probably off the statistics charts for two in the same family to choose that route. There's a lot of arguments that you can do a wedding cheaply, and I certainly agree that there's a sliding scale for how much gets spent, but honestly, how many people can claim that they spent less than a hundred bucks on their wedding-- and it was exactly what they wanted?  (Oh wait, the rings.  Okay, more than $100.  But you get the point.)

Really, growing up, I wouldn't say Kara and I were particularly alike, at all.  We did both play piano, but then, we all four took lessons at some point. We both did choir in highschool- but so did all four of us. Other than that I don't really remember much in the similarity department.  The fact that this blog exists on the foundation of our having multiple similarities is quite frankly cause for deep confusion.  So long before this blog came into existence, how in the world did we both end up choosing to elope?

I don't know what Kara's story is, but here's mine.

When Rob and I were dating, we had different views on weddings.  I had never really thought twice about not having a wedding, although I did know for sure I didn't want a big fancy one.  Mostly I just liked the idea of the dress.  Rob, on the other hand, was not a fan of "real" weddings.

I suppose it really just happened gradually, that I finally realized that one didn't have to have an event wedding.  It's kind of like college-- society expects you to go (and trains you to expect you to go), so you never even question it, regardless of if it's a good fit for you, will be worth the money, or any other factors that might apply.  At any rate, I began to entertain thoughts of no wedding event. By the time we were married (two years later), I viewed the concept of an event with something just shy of loathing.  I am not an extrovert, and being in the center of attention for an entire evening sounded like something just short of civilized torture.  No thanks.

We got engaged, if you will, the second week of December 2010.  Honestly, I don't even think there was a proposal.  I don't remember anything monumental, which is another way that I'm weird, because I'm totally okay with that.  :-)  I think we just came to the conclusion that it was time, and now was a good time.  There were a few details to figure out: rings, Rob's last day of work for the season, my moving out from my rented place, license, and of course, actual appointment at the courthouse.  I wish I'd written it all down how it fell together, because everything did fall together, just perfectly.  Nothing went sideways; even the rings that had to be sent out of town to be re-sized were back in good time (even though there was a 50% chance they wouldn't be).  Oh, and my two jobs at the time (nannying) both said they didn't need me for two weeks.  And we weren't announcing anything before the actual event, so this was actually a neat little coincidence, not just something they made happen because of the wedding.

We had struggled a bit with the vows...I had in mind something that I wanted, but I had no idea how to word it.  Nothing I looked up online was quite right. I eventually gave up and we went to the courthouse with a sketched out idea but no real vows, so we ended up using the ones they had on hand.  And they were perfect.  I was so delighted with them; they were exactly the concepts and phrasing I'd been trying to come up with.

Remember how I said I hate being the center of attention?  (That should be We, because that's Rob too.)  Well, we didn't announce we were getting married beforehand, for that reason.  And after we got married, we told immediate family, told them to spread the word, posted it on Facebook, and called it a day.  It was delightful.

And wedding photos?  Psh.  Most folks would recognize our wedding photos as engagement photos based on our dress, but they aren't!  These are what we sent out in a generic announcement to close friends and family, along with a letter letting them know our news.  I'm sure a white dress would have been pretty, but I have to admit, I'm extremely fond of these pictures.

In the end...the wedding was only the beginning.  Real life is so much better.  We're coming up on three years now, and while I know that's child's play to most couples around us, it's neat to me.  Not neat that we've made it this far, because we made that choice in the beginning and it wasn't negotiable: this was for better or for worse, until death do us part.  But it's neat because it keeps getting better.

Stay tuned for Kara's half of the story later this week!


  1. very nice! :)

  2. A happy marriage is definitely what matters. All that other stuff is just frills!

    Betty Figarelle

  3. There's definitely a difference between a wedding and a marriage. Congrats on being 3 years down the road of a happy life together.

  4. Oh nice Kirstyn. Thanks for sharing.

    Esther Larsen

  5. I cried one little tear out of my left eyeball :)

  6. I cried one little tear out of my left eyeball :)