Saturday, October 12, 2013

Oh, this is bad.

Very very bad.

It all started last night when I got off my butt at 8 p.m. where I had been watching Netflix to go clean out the oven. That should have been my first clue, but I chalked it up to boredom. What else is a girl to do on a Friday night when her husband is gone hunting? Obviously, clean her oven. So I grabbed every powder and liquid that could ever be construed as a cleaning solution out of the cupboard and, after spending twenty minutes attacking the stove top (glass top stoves can be kinda cool, but cleaning them is a biscuit), attacked the oven.

At one point, I actually owned oven cleaner stuff that you just sprayed into the oven, left for two hours, then wiped off whilst holding a rag over your nose and wearing gloves thick enough to handle electrical wire. That was before we moved. Now it's somewhere in limbo and I don't care enough to look for it, because cleaning out the oven is a very rare thing around here. So, since I didn't have that, I decided try using baking soda and vinegar, since Kirstyn has mentioned that they are some of her main cleaning staples at her place. The thing is, I wasn't entirely sure how she used them, so I decided to perform my fourth grade volcano science project all over again. In the oven. Starting with the inside of the door, I liberally dumped baking soda all over it, and doused the whole thing in vinegar. It was phenomenally bubbly. And the best part was that I got to watch black crap rise up off the glass and float on the top of the whole mess!

It actually worked!!

So after using four thousand paper towels to wipe up the mess I had just made in the name of cleanliness, I decided to try it in the oven, where, none too recently, vegetable oil had become blackened on the bottom. I did my magic trick again. But this time, it didn't work. Apparently oil is really stubborn. So I squirted it with soap, more baking soda, some hydrogen peroxide (I just love how that stuff fizzes!), Simple Green...and then I gave up, watched two more episodes of Bones, and went to bed.

What I didn't realize at the time was that this was merely the preclude to that crazy thing they call nesting.

It's bad. Very, very bad. I thought I had experienced it before, but I was oh so wrong.

So this morning around nine, when I finally decided I should get dressed, it started again. I went into the bedroom, but couldn't get dressed until the bed was remade. Then I came out to the kitchen, and the thought process was as follows:

I need to wash that pan from breakfast, but the dishwasher is full. Glad I ran that last night...better empty it. Yay! Clean bowls! How the heck did that rust after one wash? Dumb hard water. Umm, when did my sink get this gross? Forget about the dishwasher, that needs cleaned. ARGH! There's orange splatters all over the wall! Magic Eraser!! Whew...crisis averted. Nope, couple more on the window sill--got 'em. When did the back of the sink get so grimy? Ooh! There's a cranny I've never cleaned before! Move everything...scrubba scrubba scrubba...

At this point, I had kinda figured out what was happening. I whined to Tanner as I vigorously wiped down the faucet with the air of someone who can't actually control their own actions.

"I can't stop cleaning!!"

"Oh, just calm down."

That's his answer for a lot of things. Anyway, he then went out to clean out his pickup from his short hunting trip the night before, leaving me and my frenzied scouring alone.

Okay, now back to cleaning the sink. Oh wait. I can't because there's dishes in it. Dishwasher! You know, these Pyrex containers would fit a lot better if I stacked them differently. Maybe if I stopped organizing them by lid color...yep, that works way better. Segregation is so '50s anyway. Hey! Now the Tupperware fits better too! Maybe I could put this here, and then those lids will all fit on the same shelf...

Enter Tanner again:

"Hey, Honey! I have something you can work your nesting powers on!" He stood at the door holding a disgustingly grimy plastic tote full of food he had taken with him. I gave him my frowny face.

"I can't! I'm reorganizing the Tupperware!"

"You're what?!" He vacated pretty quickly. But he still left the tote there to taunt me. All that dirt just waiting to be wiped off...

Okay, got that cupboard all, load the dirties. Scrub down the sink, rinse rinse rinse. Hey. I didn't realize it, but with the sun shining like that, the stove top is awfully streaky. Ick. I don't like streaks. WINDEX! That's better. Okay, now that counter needs scrubbed. What the heck is with all the stuff on top of the microwave? Lets hide it all in this drawer. (Note: I just gained a second junk drawer) Better. Now that counter needs scrubbed too. Why are the potatoes and apples sitting on the counter? It looks gross and cluttery. You can, and....there. Kind of out of the way, anyway.

"Did you...?"

"Yes, I did just put apples in that plant holder. It's creative. Now go 'way."

Eew. That drawer is sticky. Better wipe all of those down. Might as well get the inside of this...Gosh darn it, how hard is it to put pans away perpendicular to each other? Sure wish I could blame that one on Tanner. There we go. Is that mud on the floor? That I can blame on Tanner. Oh well, I needed to do the floors anyway because of that sugar I spilled earlier. I don't think I got it all the first time I swept this morning. Yep, sure glad I did would have been terrible to leave those four grains of sugar and one clump of dirt behind. Now to mop...scuff marks! Magic Eraser! All better. Okay...I think I'm halfway sane now...lets put away some of this cleaning stuff. Ohmygosh. This cupboard is horrendous. It needs organized!

"Oh Tanner?"

(Warily) "Yes dear?"

"I need some bars to hang all my bottles on, a basket for all my scrubbies, and some of those file folder thingies that hang on the wall so I can spray paint them and use them for baby miscellaneous in the nursery."

"Do you really need all of that?"

"Yes. No baby will be born into a house that has this messy of a cleaning cupboard."

I think he was honestly glad to get away from me at that point.

In the future, I believe it would be best if I just vegged in my recliner instead of trying to get "one or two" things done around the house. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tote to sterilize.

Oh, also, I found a really funny picture of Tanner last night that I thought I'd share with everyone:

It has nothing to do with anything. I just giggled hysterically when I came across it.


  1. Kara I love the inner monologue. I laughed so hard I almost cried and I'm still laughing. Good luck to Tanner

  2. I obviously need to get pregnant if it produces posts this funny. Died laughing! I love the phrase "scrubba scrubba scrubba".

  3. I'm going to have to re-read this about four times, but right now I need a Kleenex. You're good for the liver, love. :-D

    What's the backstory on the pic? He's such a cute little boy. :-D

  4. I just re-read it and this
    "Yes, I did just put apples in that plant holder. It's creative. Now go 'way."
    just made me crack up all the more.