Sunday, November 17, 2013

Dear Diary: Like, SO not cool.

Dear Diary,

My parents just got a pet. Its some sort of hairless cat, I think. Maybe some weird kind of monkey. It's hard to tell, but let me tell you, that thing is annoying! It makes this really high pitched sound whenever the heck it feels like it, even if it's, like, the middle of the night, and it takes forever for Mom and Dad to turn it off! Sometimes Dad doesn't even try--he just rolls over and goes back to sleep--but a lot of the time, he makes me move so he can get up to go get one of those butt covers that they keep on it (I think they use those because the new pet doesn't know how to ask to be let outside, like me. It figures--They couldn't even get a smart one).

But the worst thing about this monkey/cat/thing is that they have been spoiling it rotten! It's constantly up on the furniture with them, when most of the time, I get kicked off! Seriously, it's not that big a deal if I nip their feet, right? And, they give him the best place in the bed every night, right up between their pillows! Every time I tried to sneak up there I got tossed back down to the end! Or unceremoniously dumped onto the floor. Like, come on. Have some more respect for the first-born and stop pampering the newcomer!

The other day, Mom and Dad even had a party for this thing! There were, like, three other people here! I acted all cute, and chased my tail and stuff, but I could tell they only cared about him. Sure, they scratched my ears every now and again, but it got cuddled the whole time! Oh, also--I'm not allowed to lick it. If I could lick it, it would be a lot easier to deal with all of this, because it just looks so lickable! But noooo...that's, like, forbidden in this house of too many rules.

Hey! Mom's calling! Maybe she'll.....yes! Up on the couch...life is good. I suppose I'll let her keep the new thing for a while. Everyone is entitled to make weird mistakes every once in a while. And heck, it is kind of cute, in a squishy sort of way when it isn't making that ghastly noise.

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